Of Shoes and Ships and Warriors
by Smurfette
Summary: Two Higher Beings discuss a warrior... AtS season 3-style. THIS IS A PARODY OF THE PTB'S APPROACH. I do not recommend this for fans of season 3 AtS and how they stick to cannon.


WARNING: This is not an A/C story. Hell will freeze over before I write anything pro-A/C. Do not approach this as an A/C story. Consider yourself warned.

TITLE: Of Shoes and Ships and Warriors  
AUTHOR: Smurfette (Smurfy to many)  
EMAIL: smurfette3001@yahoo.com  
DISCLAIMER: Nothing's mine, I even doubt the plot is.  
TIMELINE: Shortly before 'Gone' on BtVS and 'Birthday' on AtS.  
SPOILERS: Nothing much.  
SUMMARY: Two Higher Powers discuss a warrior... AtS season 3-style.  
DISTRIBUTION: My site, ff.net, list archives. If wanted, ask and I'll say yes.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I need to send out extra-special thanks to Trammie, who was sent one page of dialogue, and turned it into a wonderful multi-page snark. She is a Goddess, and we all need to thank Indie for *finally* convincing her to write.  
FEEDBACK: Sure!  
DEDICATION: To Trammie, to made this fic into what it is. And to Goldy, because she's still waiting.

"Doesn't it break your heart?" the First Power That Be said, looking down upon some of his warriors.

"Doesn't what break my heart?" the Second asked.

"Our Chosen," the First answered, still distracted by the sight before him. "Her pain. Her suffering. Her courage."

"She does seem to suffer more than her fair share," the Second agreed.

"She's such a magnificent warrior," the Higher Power continued. "Shouldering her burden without complaint. 

"Yes," the other agreed, "Look at her fluidity -- she's a marvel to watch. Her beauty must be unsurpassed. She's made so many sacrifices for the fight -- taken so many more blows than she should have to." 

"She's the best warrior and champion we've ever had, wouldn't you agree?" the First nodded. 

"And then her tragic, doomed love with the Vampire -- so much pain..." his companion continued.

"And yet she soldiers on," sighed the First one.

"She has gone through more than the average Slayer, I'll agree," the Second said readily.

"Slayer? Who said anything about a Slayer?"

"But--"

"The Warrior!" the First exclaimed in shock. "The Champion! The Seer!"

"The *Seer*?!" the Second said in open-mouthed confusion.

"The Slayer is so overrated," the wannabe even Higher Power continued as though his colleague hadn't spoken. "And her whining! She has nothing to complain about, not compared to the Seer." 

"Nothing? Causing the love of your life to turn evil then having to fight him..." the Second interjected, but was again interrupted.

"Look at the pain, the agony she goes through every time she has a vision! Doesn't your heart just break for her? When has that Slayer ever gone through anything like that?!" the officious One rolled on.

"Right...no agony in sending your soulmate to Hell, is there?" mocked the Second power, speaking more loudly over the monotonous monologue beside him.

"And all her missed opportunities! That stardom, so richly deserved, she had to give up to work for the Vampire," the First boomed over him. 

"I thought putting her on a pedestal kinda covered that," the Second wise one muttered under his breath.

"You know she would have been the greatest Hollywood success story -- you know it! The Slayer has never had to give anything up -- never!" the First Power insisted.

"Really, what's giving up your life for the world in comparison to that? What a selfish idea that was!" exclaimed the Second, looking incredulously at the other Power.

"She deserves to find happiness with the Vampire," said the First, choosing to ignore what his associate was saying.

"I agree she deserves something... though buying her all those clothes and giving her a crown to boot was already going some," said the other. "But," he reminded the First, grinning at the thought, "*She's* not the one who gives the Vampire perfect happiness."

"Look at the Moira! Look at the Kye-Rumption! Have you ever seen anything -- anyone -- who belonged together more than those two?" Number One pointed out, not willing to admit the truth.

"Now that you mention it..." replied the Second grinning even more widely, thinking Kye-Rumption had nothing on chemistry and two hearts that had long beat as one.

"We have to improve their lives! We *have* to!" cried the First, as usual not hearing a word over his own voice.

"I don't know about those two, but it'd improve life for the many if we send her to the other side of the planet," the Second in charge muttered. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, right? Maybe Mexico would work...

"All that suffering..." the First wandered off, preparing to remedy some of said suffering of his beloved Seer and find someone more sympathetic to whine at. Perhaps Mere would be more willing to listen...

The second rolled his eyes at the retreating figure known as Greenie, and went to find him some other project. Which would hopefully help the dimension Tim was so fond of survive without further horror. *He* knew all along that love like the Slayer and the Vampire shared was very rare. That it was eternal and nothing could ever truly keep them apart forever. He knew the story wasn't over or even changed... As for Greenie, there was something he'd heard about an NBC project needing an executive producer...


End file.
